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TODAY INTARVIEW WITH ONE OF MORT GOOD FIENDS SIMRUNS GOOD. HIS MAIN ACHEEVMUNT HAS GOT TO BE HIS SUPAR HOT WIFE BUT HE TELLS ME HE GAMBOOLS PRETTY WELL TOO. HE WOS EVUN ON TV ONCE OR TWICE COMMENTING ON SOME FAT SLOBS PLAYING CARDS.

HELO FIEND. WHO ARE YEW AND WHY DO FIENDS OF MORT NEED TO REED ON?

My name is Sim Mahon, I played cash poker for 6 years straight and now am a sports trader. My transition from one to the other may well be of interest to your readers especially the ones who LOVE a gamble.

SO YEW ARE A FAILD POKAR PRO?

Failed is harsh! I prefer burnt out or bored :). I quit on a high 18 months ago but have actually had a few cash sessions lately when off days present themselves around the cricket calendar. I played poker pretty much every day for 6 years, maybe as many as 4-5 million hands total. It started as a real passion and the money to start with was insane. Obviously people got better and my winrates started to fall. No longer was 6figures a year simply a case of turning up. The harder it got, the lazier I got and it really became a chore. I was betting on cricket on the side mainly lumping match odds and taking innings runs position with no real skill. It wasn’t until I found the benefits of trading on exchanges that I started taking it seriously and decided in the January of 2013 to go full time and test myself.

HOW MUTCH DID YEW LOSE?

Can’t tell you how often I have heard this! Poker swings were pretty brutal at times especially when I was playing NL$1000+ cash games. My worst day probably in the region of £11k. Worst month around £16k, although that was in Vegas and was totally worth it!

NOW YEW TRADE CRIKET INSTED. RUN US THROO AN AVERAGE DAY IN YEW LIFE DURING A BUSY CRIKET DAY

Normally wake up when the dogs get bored, grab some food, hit the gym if possible and get myself sorted for the day. Normally that entails doing a bit of research on the ground or the weather. As soon as the cricket starts I am relatively professional about things, try to stay focused and off Twitter until my book is level or I am happy in my current position!

The toughest part of our job is during the winter when cricket in Asia/Australisia makes us nocturnal. Catching sleep in 4 hour slots and missing daylight is brutal over an extensive period. At least I won’t have to watch England lose 5-0 this winter…!

The IPL and BBL are perfect in their timings though, it is almost like having a 9-5, giving you plenty of time to spend with friends and family. This year I doubt I will be doing too much of the T20 Blast as the thought of giving up my Friday nights doesn’t sound too appealing.

HOW DO YEW KEEP YEWSELF FROM TURNING INTO A BIG FAT FUK?

The truth is…. I haven’t! In my freshers year of Uni I was 11.5 stone, when I left I was over 100kgs! My third year of Uni was a complete write off for me socially. In my final year I didn’t attend a single lecture even. I was playing poker around the clock, a complete gambling addiction (luckily I was half decent at it) and nothing else really mattered. That year was so important for me career wise as it was how I learnt my trade but still one of my biggest regrets. I got a 2:2 in my degree but I definitely got a 1st in Poker 101. Munching on Maltesers and full fat Coke ruined me.

I have played cricket to an OK standard my whole life but obviously as a way of keeping fit, batting twice a weekend and standing at slip all day is hardly a calorie burner. I got myself down from 100kgs to 85 for my wedding. A serious amount of gym work with a personal trainer got me there. Have had various injuries but try to get to gym every day if possible. Am completly sedantry otherwise so its very important. My theory is, if you do the exercise you can eat what you like which is VERY important to me.

WHY DID YEW SWITCH BETWEEN KGS AND STONES. DO MORT LOOK LIKE A WALKING ABACUS?

I switched in tribute to Welsh Mort that moved to America 🙂

DUZ YEW WIFE WANT A MAN WHO DOESNT HAVE PEABOLLS AND ISNT AFRAID OF HAVEING AN OPINIAN INSTED? I MITE KNOW A GUY.

If there is one thing I know about my wife it is that she isn’t picky.

WIFE OF SIM GIVES YEW HALL PASS TO PLOP IT IN ONE WOMAN ONE TIME. WHO YEW PLOPPING IT IN?

Sloane Stephens fiend just to have bragging rights over you!

WELL THE JOAK IS NOW ON YEW COS SHE NOT IN MORT TOP 5. SHOOD HAVE MADE IT COWNT INSTEAD OF PLAYIN THIS DUMB METAGAME.

ANYWAY WHO IS YEW CURRANT FAVRIT CRIKETAR?

I don’t always like his attitude, I don’t think he puts any effort in the field and with the bat, but Sunil Narine is an absolute genius of a T20 bowler. I don’t think anyone has made me more money than Narine. Markets normally give you 5 ticks just at the sight of him coming onto bowl.

Bit of a Corey Anderson fanboy at the moment. Gives his all in the field and can moose a ball more than most. He embarassed me a bit in the IPL but made it count when it mattered most against Rajasthan 🙂

FAVRIT TEEMS TO TRADE?

Probably Pakistan. You know what you are getting: gun bowling and often inept batting! I have also done well in recent times (Brisbane test aside) of seeing an England batting collapse coming. If it starts… there isn’t normally much resistance.

WHOT PERCUNTAGE OF GAMES IN THE IPLOL WOOD YEW SAY ARE POSSIBLEY FIXD?

It depends how strictly you use the word “fixed”. We know full well about the massive viewing figures the IPL gets in Asia and naturally the most expensive adverts are going to be at the end of the match as it reaches its crescendo. Therefore I think the #LOB or the “last over bonus” notoriously enforced by Dhoni is a real thing. It just happens too often for it to be anything else. CSK rarely mess the chases up though, so yes it is fixed in a sense but the results probably not in many cases.

Others with more knowledge alluded to it on Twitter at the time, but the table balancing aspect is another issue in the IPL. If the 4 teams that will make it into the playoffs are known too far out, the tournament loses importance for a few matches. Very possible that some games are fixed to keep the leadup to the playoffs interesting. Perhaps this would involve too many people, be too difficult to organise and be too obvious but it definitely seemed that way this year. Rajasthan resting key players for matches when they looked certain to qualify was an example of this.

To be honest I could talk on this subject for a while….

AND WHOT PERCUNTAGE OF CRIKETARS ARE ASSEPTING BRIBES?

A very small amount if you look at World cricket. I certainly hope so. The IPL is in it’s own little world but you would hope in International ICC events that the consequences of fixing make it too unappealing to the players.

WHEN YEW SEE AN ODD BETTING PATTARN WHOT IS YEWA USUAL CORS OF ACTIAN?

I either stay clear or trade (small) in the direction of the fix. To be honest, I was incredibly paranoid about the IPL final itself. There were plenty of “scripts” going around that got the previous 5 games correct and I felt as if the winner may well have already been decided. Once the KKR chase began it seemed obvious to me that the market either knew KXIP would win or at least thought it knew. Present that market to me with no paranoia about a fix and I would have made a killing as prices were just so wrong. At one point the market was making KKR at 1.60 shot and I think in any other match it would be 1.3x. It was madness, but due to paranoia I failed to make anything in the market. Thankfully for the sake of cricket in the very short term, KKR won.

DO YEW TRADE ANY OTHAR SPORTS?

I tend to punt football on advice of a shrewdie I know. Tennis I have always had an interest in trading as there is simply so much of it on. I used to be terrible, with massive overstaking errors (I was down 5 figures on tennis last year) but slowly have improved and getting steady results. NFL is my new love as sports go, I made OK money during the 2013/4 season but more due to beginners luck than anything else.
I have specialised a lot more these days now though.

WILL YEW BE HAVEING ANY WORLD CUP BETS (VERY OLD INTARVIEW DONE  BEFOUR WORLD CUP BUT COS I AM SO FAT AND LAZY ONLY NOW GETTIN TO PRINT) ?

My shrewdie friend has told me that Argentina to win the tournament and Belgium to win their group are the big ones to be on. I have also backed Australia to be the lowest scoring team given they are nailed on to go out early and have a tough group with no real attacking threat.

ANY SUPARTIPS FOR FIENDS OF MORT?

Prices move plenty in T20 matches, often for not much at all. Low prices early on in the match rarely train without a headache.

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I THORT IT WOS ABOWT TIME WE GOT SOME INTELECTUALS ON THE BOLG. WELL AT LEEST ONE SO I HAVE A GOOD FIEND WHO A DOCTAR. DR TIGHTUN. HIS CREDENSHULS COME WITH AN ASTRIX BECOUSE HE WENT TO SOME MED SKOOL WHERE YEW ALLOWED TO GO TO CLASS WITH ONE OF THOAS GIANT GLASSES OF BEER. ANYWAY I SPOAK TO HIM AND HERE WHOT HE HAD TO SAY.

HI FIEND. TELL US WHO YEW ARE AND WHY WE NEED TO KNOW?

I am GSMTitan, you don’t need to know me but if you want to that would be nice because I get lonely sometimes. Swipe right on Tinder.

WHOT ARE YEW UP TO THEES DAYS?

I just finished my medical studies.

HOW MUTCH IN SCHOOL FEES DO YOU OWE?

£150,000. Luckily I’ll be able to pay this back by earning £23,000 a year as a doctor in London for the next 83 years.

IF YEW NOT GONNA MAKE AS MUTCH BEING A DOCTAR WHY WOODNT YEW JUST BE A GAMBLAR? PUSHY ASIAN PARENTS I ASSUME?

“So, what does your son do?”

“He’s a professional gambler.”

Yeah, I don’t think they’re too keen on that! I’ve also done really well playing online poker, I would seriously considering doing that for a while – but I think any online activities that have wild fluctuations will have a negative long-term impact on your health, sanity, and loved ones.

You have to be raking it in to make it worth watching WTA players double-faulting in Acapulco at 2am…and then going to bed in a sound state of mind, it’s not healthy.

I HAVE THIS RASH ON MY BOLLS. WHOT IS IT?

ARE YEW LOOKING FORWORD TO HAVEING ESAMINE PROSTATES?

o_0

IF YEW GONNA BE A DOCTOR WHY WOOD YEW NOT BE A GYNECOLOGIST?

If I wanted to stare at giant cunts, I’d pop down to The Oval, thanks.

 WHOTS YEWA OPINIAN ON DENTISTS WHO INSIST ON BEING COLLD DOCTAR?

They spend five years learning about teeth. In the same time, I’ve learned about the whole body. They’re doctors, but they should be embarrassed to call themselves as such in the presence of a real doctor.

WHOT ABOWT LAWYERS. WERE THEY JUST TOO DUMB TO GET INTO MED SCHOOL?

Doctors = Lawyers – Ethics

WHOT YEW MAKE OF THE IPLOL THIS YEAR?

Disappointed in lack of corruption, lack of drama. If we’re honest, Gurunath’s meltdown was the highlight of 2013.

I KNOW YEW ONLY TRADED A LITTLE BIT OF IT. WOS IT PROFITABLE FOR YEW?

During IPL I only tried to follow some teams that I really fancied to do well (Punjab and KKR), and just kept on opposing Delhi. I try not to mess about with teams that play about with random strategies (Rjajasthan, CSK).

KKR with 9 wins in a row, mostly at odds against, were a very fun team to bet on!

YEW HAVE ANY IDEAS HOW WE CAN CUT OWT CORUPSHUN IN THE GAME?

Hand over the ACSU to MORT.

WHO WILL YEW BE SUPPORTING AT KICKBOLL WORLD CUP?

MORT

HAVE ANY SUPARTIPS FOR FIENDS OF MORT?

Check your testicles regularly, always oppose Jade Dernbach if he’s bowling the final over, and bet Argentina to win the World Cup.

DIDNT LURN TOO MUTCH FORM THIS INTARVIEW FREINDS APART FROM I GOTTA MAKE A QWICK COLL TO MY WIFE TO TELL HER TO GET CHEKD OWT.

ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

WELLCOME BAK TO THE INTARVIEW SERIES FREINDS. TODAY WE INTARVIEW SHARPAST SHOOTAR IN THE WEST WILD WILL. YEW CAN FOLLOW HIM ON TWATTAR HERE.

HELLO WILD WILL SHARPAST SHOOTAR IN THE WEST. WHO ARE YEW AND WHY SHOOD FIENDS OF MORT GIVE TWO HOOTS?

Hi Mort, thanks for taking the time to interview me. I’m Will Wilde (E!!!). FIENDS OF MORT should give two hoots if they want to win money on this year’s World Cup.

YEW ARE NOT THE SHARPEST SHOOTAR IN THE WEST?

Correct. I am not the sharpest shooter in the west.

OH WOW. THIS IS AWKWORD. MY RESEARTCH DEPARTMENT TOLT ME YEW WUR A COWBOY?

Slightly wrong research my dear fiend. I’m the sharpest shooter in the East not the West. Until we get online gambling legalised in the US we don’t care about the West. Long live the East. The Far East.

SO YEWV NEVAR BEEN TO SALOON?

I often frequent last chance saloon. Does that count?

NO. WHOT ABOWT A SALON?

I have never stepped foot in a salon. Can you gamble in a salon?

NO. HAVE YEW EVAR WORN STUPID COWBOY BOOTS WITH SPURS?

I have suffered many forfeits for losing but I avoid any link to Spurs.

ANYWAY SORY ABOWT THAT. REST ASSURED EVARYONE IN THE RESEARTCH DEPARTMENT WILL BE FIRED. AFTAR PERFORMING MY OWN DEEP ANAL YSIS I FOWND OWT YEW ACTUALY RUN FIDENS. TELL US ABOWT FIDENS.

Fidens is a lazy way of making money from betting on football. Give me 10 cows and in a year’s time I will give you back 13 cows.

SO YEW TAKE MY COWS. BET ON KICKBOLL WITH IT AND RETURN MOAR COWS TO ME THAN I GIVE YEW?

Correct. We only take deposits in Cows though.

ARE YEW ABLE TO TELL US ANYTHING ABOWT YEW SYSTEM AND HOW YEW BACKTESTED IT TO MAKE SHURE IT WORK?

For every secret I tell you about my system you have to give me 1,000 cows. We built Fidens over 3 ½ years. We use a player ratings system (every time your team plays your rating gets updated whether you play or not), a team of scouts around the world that provide us with accurate team information and an efficient bet placement in Asia (Asia = 10,000 Cows, Rest of World = 1 Cow) process through a bet broker (Samvo)

DO YEW USE MICRASOFT AXEL OR PEN AND PAPER?

We refuse to use a computer so I have penned my response to you and sent it by Raven via Casterly Rock

WHY WOOD I INVEST IN FIDENS OVAR THE STOCK MARKAT?

Fidens is completely transparent (you can see how many Cows you have on any live bets or any past bets), you have full access to your money (you can withdraw your Cows at any time without losing any Cows as a penalty), all profits (extra Cows) are tax-free and we have consistently outperformed traditional investment vehicles (MORE COWS)

WHY DOES FIDENS DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THE POOR PEEPL?

What use is one Cow?

AS THEY SAY IN THE FRANCE, TOUCHY FREIND, TOUCHY. WILL FIDENS BE BETTING AT THE WORLD CUP?

We only bet on domestic leagues with Fidens so we ignore not just the World Cup but also all internationals and intra-league club competitions (Our Cows don’t travel well). But I will be betting frequently and in large quantities throughout the tournament.

ANY WORLD CUP TIPS FOR MORT AND FIENDS?

Place 10,000 Cows on Argentina. Sleep for one month. Collect 55,000 Cows on 13th July.

IF WE ARE PLAYING FANTASY LEEGS WHO ARE PLAYARS WE SHOOD LOOK AT THAT WE HAVNT CONSIDARD YET?

We don’t do anything for fun. It would be disrespectful to Kamadhenu if we risked our Cows for fun.

COOD A TEAM OF ONE LEGGED MANS BEET ENGLAND IN A PENALTY SHOOTOWT?

Not this year. Mr Hodgson is well aware that England have history in losing on penalties so he has chosen to pick a squad of 21 footballers plus 2 expert penalty takers in Rickie Lambert and Frank Lampard. Woy Knows.

AT WHOT PRICE WOOD THEY BE VALEW?

I would back England at 2.02 in any penalty shootout.

ANYMOAR SUPARTIPS FOR MORT AND FIENDS?

If you kill your first Cow for beef you will never have more than one Cow.

THANK YEW FIEND. I CAN ONLY APOLOJYZE AGAIN FOR THE SHOWAR THAT ARE THE RESEARTCH DEPARDMENT.

AFTAR THIS INTARVIEW I LURN THAT PEEPL WILL BELEEV WHOTEVAR YEW TELL THEM. IT IS SO EASY TO BLAME BAD RESEARTCH ON A TEEM THAT DOESNT ESIST. KING MORT STRIKES AGAIN.

ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

ANOTHAR DAY ANOTHAR INTARVIEW. TODAY WE CATCH UP WITH MORT GOOD FIEND ED MAH-LEE-UN. HE GREW UP IN NORTH KOREA AND IS THE ESTRANGED (OR MAYBEE JUST STRANGE) SON OF KIM JONG UN. HE FLED THE COUNTRY AFTAR HIS GRANDFATHAR THRETAND TO BUY HIM A SEESAN TIKET TO THE DEN. EVIL LITTLE MAN. THIS STORY MAY OR MAY NOT BE TROO. UNFORTUNATELY ED IS BIZEE GALAVANTING IN BRAZIL AS A REPORTAR FOR THE DAILY MIRRAR SO ONLY HAD TIME TO ANSWAR MOAR PRESSING QWESHTUNS FOR MORT AND FIENDS.

WHO ARE YEW AND WHY SHOOD FIENDS OF MORT GIVE A RATS ASS?

I’m just a fan of the Mort blog who enjoys a bet or two.

SO I HERD YEW ARE IN BRASIL. HOW MUTCH DO I HAVE TO PAY YEW TO BRING ME BAK ONE OF THOAS SMOKING HOT WOMANS?

You wouldn’t have to pay me anything, Mort, but I only have enough luggage room for one so I can’t help you I’m afraid 😦

BRASIL

ONE OF THEES PLEES

I DONT LIKE THAT ANSWAR SO I WILL JUST IGNOAR IT. DO YEW ASSEPT PAYMENT IN COWS?

Living in London means that livestock is a fairly unhelpful currency, unfortunately.

DO I NEED TO LURN BRAZILIAN TO SPEEK TO THEES WOMANS?

It may help, but I imagine if you’re handsome enough and have enough cows then they would make an exception.

WHAT IF I JUST PRETEND TO KNOW PELE?

Everyone knows Pele, they won’t care.

WHOTS YEW GO TO PICK UP LINE?

“Alwite babe?”

IS FAT RONALDO STILL FAT?

He’s festivally plump, and perhaps rotund, but not full-blown fat.

I HURD YEW WUR A FOOTBOLL JURNALIST. WHO WILL WIN THE SUPPARBOWL THIS YEAR?

Cleveland. Even though his spin-off show is nowhere near as good as Family Guy

WHO YEW THINK IS BEST PLAYAR IN THE WURLD?

Lionel Messi or Adrian Peterson.

IF WE ARE PLAYING IN WORLD CUP FANTASY LEEGS ANY UNDAR THE RADIATOR PEEPL/TEEMS TO KEEP AN EYE ON?

Eduardo Vargas has 11 goals in 14 games under Jorge Sampaoli. He’ll outscore Alexis Sanchez in an attacking team.

WHO ARE THE YUNG KIDS WE NEED TO LOOK OWT FOR AT THIS KICKBOLL THING AND NOT IN AN 80S TV PRESENTAR WAY?

Eder Alvarez Balanta and Juan Fernando Quintero – both Colombia.

HAVE ANY WORLD CUP SUPARTIPS FOR FIENDS OF MORT?

Plenty of bets I like, but back Chile to score over 3.5 goals in Group B. I reckon they’ll do it in the first game.

OF COARSE I COODNT LET YEW GO WITHOWT ASKING QWESHTUN EVARYBODY WANT TO KNOW. DO YEW EVAR BUY THE SUN?

Fortunately we get all the newspapers delivered at work so I can neatly sidestep that question.

THANK YEW FOR TAKEING TIME OWT OF YEW BIZEE SKEDJOOL AND ANSWAR SOME QWESHTUNS FIEND.

IF I LURND ONE THING ABOWT THIS INTARVIEW IT IS NOT TO SHOW WIFE OF MORT ANY INTARVIEW WHERE I TOLK ABOWT HOT BRASILIAN WOMANS. SHE IS WITHOLDING A CURTAIN SOMETHING FROM ME FOR A MONTH AS PUNISHMENT. THANKFULLY THE WORLD CUP WILL BE ON AT THAT TIME.

ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

HELLO FIENDS AND WELLCOME BAK. TODAY WE INTARVIEW WITH FOWNDAR OF GIANT YOGURT FURM MULLER. MR ANTHONY MULLER. YEW MAY ALLSO KNOW HIM FOR BEERMAKING SUTCH EMERICKAN CLASICS AS THE MULLER LITE. YEW CAN FOLOW HIM ON TWATTAR @MSPR1NT.

HI ANTHONY. TELL US WHO YEW ARE AND WHOT YEW DO

Anthony? That was my grandfather, he’s dead. Do you mean Antoinette? I’m Antoinette. I write about cricket and soccerball and sometimes athletics and whatever else other people want to give me money for.

YEW ACTUALY A WOMAN?

Last time I checked, yes.

WOW THIS IS GREAT. WHAT ARE YEW DOING TONIGHT?

Sleeping. Not with you.

IT APPEER I HAVE RESEARTCHED BADLY. WHOT DO YEW KNOW ABOWT YOGURT MAKEING?

You have to use Yoghurt to make Yoghurt, apparently. That’s what I saw on TV.

AND WHOT ABOWT BEERMAKEING?

Not much. I know it’s something that takes far too long for my patience.

I HAD THEES QWESHTUNS WRITTEN OWT SO CAN YEW ANSWAR THEM ANYWAY? WHOT IS YEWA FAVRIT YOGURT AND BEER? CAN YOGURT BE USED ROMANTICLY? WHOT IS YEWA BEST DRUNKAN STORY?

I don’t really have a favourite yoghurt, I prefer dead animal to culture and I’m not cultured enough to know about its romantic use. I don’t drink, though. ALL SUPPORT ANT. ANT

ANYWAY I GUESS WE SHOOD DISCUSS SOMETHING YEW ARE ACTUALY FAMILIAR WITH SO LETS TRY CRIKET. DO THEY JUST LET YEW WRITE ABOWT WOMANS CRIKET?

I don’t even get to write about wimmins cricket that often because the interest is too limited. So, I am condemned to the fate of watching and writing about the men’s.

WHO YEW FAVARITE CRIKETAR?

Dale Steyn, hands down, every time. Fast, furious, and a wonderfully nice guy.

DO YEW THINK THEY SHOOD MAKE THEM WEAR SHORTS OR AT LEEST TIGHTAR PANTS?

The men? No. Maybe they can play shirtless, though.

WELL THAT IS MOST SEXIST THING I READED FOR A WHILE. ANYWAY MOVEING SWIFTLY ON, WHOT IS YEW FAVARITE FORMAT OF THE GAME?

Long ball. The five day stuff.

WHOT YEW MAKE OF SOWTH AFRICAS RECANT FOAM?

We have some great foam on our beaches. It’s kinda gross to walk through, but it makes for great Instagram pictures. Oh…form…SA’s form…concerning, but not unexpected. We’re in a “transitional” phase.

WHOT ABOWT ENGLAND?

LOL

WHOT ABOWT THE INDIAN PERMIER LOL? YEW WOTCH THAT?

Watch, yes, follow, no. It’s in the background, on mute. I have to have sport on my TV otherwise I am reminded that I have ovaries and that I am the weaker sex.

WHOT YEW THINK OF ALL THE SPOT FIXING ALLEGATIANS FLYING AROWND LATELY? ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO STOP IT?

Get the FBI, Interpol, Hawks and Sherlock Holmes on the games. Put the bastards in jail. Zero tolerence, more control for those investigating.

PLAYARS SELECTING CLUB OVAR COUNTRY. DOES IT MAKE YEW MADDAR THAN A WET HEN?

Not really. Modern sport mainly manufactures patriotism anyway. If a player is better at one discipline, why shouldn’t he make as much money from it as he possibly can? Sportsmen have short careers. Exploit it. If I was proper good looking and taller, I’d also use that aspect of my existence to my advantage to make money.

ANY GOOD YOUNG PLAYARS YEW THINK FIENDS OF MORT SHOOD KEEP AN EYE OWT FOR?

Stiaan van Zyl. The most beautifully classic South Paw to come from the Western Cape in recent years.

WHY CANT NORTH AFRICA PLAY WITH THE SOWTH?

Because there is a struggle for African airspace and taxes making travel very expensive. It’s cheaper to fly out of Africa than it is within Africa. Cricket is a business, don’t ya know? It’s just not financially viable.

WHY DO YEW COLL YEWSELF M. SPRINT ON TWATTAR. DID YEW USED TO BE A RUNNAR?

Because I make typos so often, you know. Like a misprint? But the only running I do seriously is my mascara when South Africa play in World Cups.

WELL THAT STILL MAKE NO SENSE. WHO WILL YEW BE CHEERING IN THE KICKBOLL WORLD CUP?

Tricky one. My heart says Ghana (blame the 2010 Kickboll World Cup). So, Ghana until they get knocked out. Then Ivory Coast.

ANY CRIKET SUPARTIPS FOR FIENDS OF MORT?

Yorkshire will win the Blast. But I’m only saying that because Mr. Print is from Yorkshire and I am always told that they are quite good. But South Africa will be ranked number one in Tests again before the end of the year.

THANK YEW SO MUTCH FIEND.

WELL THAT WOS EMBARASING FOR MORT. I WOOD LIKE TO SAY HOWEVAR ANTWUNETTE TOOK IT ALL IN HER STRIDE. HOAPFULLY ONE DAY WE CAN ALL LARF ABOWT THIS.

ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

WELCOME TO ANOTHAR INTARVIEW FIENDS. THIS TIME WE TOLK TO STEPHEN MYHAIR. I WOOD TELL YEW MOAR ABOWT HIM BUT THEN THAT WOOD MAKE HALF OF THE INTARVIEW POINTLESS. SO I WILL JUST GET ON WITH IT.

HI FIEND. WHO ARE YEW AND WHY SHOOD FIENDS OF MORT CARE WHOT YEW HAVE TO SAY?

Hello MORT. It is an absolute honour to interviewed by you. My name is Stephen Maher and I’m a professional gambler/trader for the guts of the last seven years, although I was also in college for the first two. I suppose the only reason friends of Mort should care about me is I did the €100 to €100,000 challenge but my NAPs are showing a healthy profit so it’s worth reading them as well!

IF I LENDED YEW 100 COWS COOD YEW TURN THEM INTO 100,000 AND HOW LONG WOOD IT TAKE?

It would be weird going back to 100 cows given how much I’m used to turning over these days! I don’t think I could do it online in my name now to be honest, someone else’s name and I’d be hopeful of less than two years maybe.

EDITARS NOAT: 100 COWS WUR SENDED VIA BITCOW WITH PERMISSIAN TO USE THE NAME WIFE OF MORT. WE AWAIT 100,000 COWS IN 2 YEARS

TELL US HOW THE IDEA FOR GAMBLERFALLS.COM CAME ABOWT

When I was in college, my friend Tomas started a tipping blog, so I started one too – it lasted two weeks and no one really read it. Then my Grandad had to go into hospital to have major heart surgery, I didn’t have a bet for ages, so the idea of starting the €100 to €100,000 challenge popped into my head once he got better as I didn’t want to start lumping the minute I came back from being so detached from sport for a while. I was lucky Go Native won in Cheltenham, because that gave me a half decent stake/bank to work with to do the challenge from there.

WHOT WOS THE MOST DIFFICULT MILESTONE TO REECH?

I wouldn’t say I had a milestone because I never really let the numbers bother me until I got to the “target.” 2010 was a tough year though, I was in my last year in college at the time I think so was missing a handful of hours each week, but it was the first year I really felt that playing the horses in running from home was becoming close to impossible to make a decent living from – so I switched my focus to cricket that year, it took the year to get used to it, but I got there in the end. I think I only made €10/11k all year if I remember correctly (computer records gone unfortunately from 2012 back), if I ever had a year like that again I’d probably quit – at the time I was young enough to persist I suppose.

EVAR HAD ANY REAL JOBS?

Only a half “job,” I was a runner for my Grandad at the dogs for years growing up, that’s where I learned everything to do with gambling. Never had a real job. I had one interview once, but never went back for the second, the US Open was on at the same time they wanted me to go in – think I made the right choice.

TRADAR OR PUNTAR OR BOTH?

Both. Depends on the sport. Won’t get involved in Horse Racing IR now so punter on that, and if I have a sixes bet pre-off on cricket I obviously wouldn’t be able to lay off etc IR. Happy to trade everything else though.

WHOT ARE YEW MOST PROFITABLE SPORTS?

Horse Racing and Cricket are the two main ones. Then a bit of GAA (summer only sport in Ireland), boxing (would be bigger but struggle with IR liquidity) and Specials (X-Factor etc as the market is easy enough to read for me so its worth making the effort to watch it). Darts was on that list too, but the delay has become unworkable in recent times.

DO YEW STIK TO ONLY THOAS SPORTS OR VENTURE INTO OTHAR AREAS

I try to stick to them. It doesn’t always work! That’s usually when I have to write DISCIPLINE in bold in Excel, beside where a big minus figure is haha. I’m generally good with discipline though, it has never been a problem for me.

WHEN I UNDISIPLIND I USUALY JUST GET WIFE OF MORT TO SPANK ME. ANYWAY, WHOT IS YEWA COURSE OF ACTIAN WHEN A DONKEY RACEING MARKET LOOKS SUSPICIAS?

I’m generally a morning punter, so 99 times out of 100 I’ll already be on, I just sit and suffer to be honest, it’s part of the game. Out of all my horse NAPs, only two have gone off higher than the price I advised (both lost, standard!) so I don’t get too many – I don’t think anyone can avoid them though, like I said it’s just part of the game and you have to get on with it.

I THORT IRISH PEEPL WUR MENT TO BE STUPID. IS THAT RACEIST?

We put the really stupid ones in Government to keep them off the streets. The other ones cheer for an English football team all year, discussing how “we” played every weekend throughout the year, then shout for anyone bar England at the Euros and World Cup.

YEW LIKE POTATOES THO RIGHT? IS THAT RACEIST?

How could that be racist!? I LOVE POTATOES.

IT IS WELL KNOWED ON TWATTAR THAT YEWA POOR GURLFREND IS MUTCH BETTAR LOOKING THAN YEW (MUTCH LIKE WIFE OF MORT AND ME). WHOT TIPS DO YEW HAVE FOR THE UGLY GUYS OWT THERE TO BAG A HOTTY?

I’ve just read this question out to her and she snap replied “a big wallet” so there’s your answer haha. Actually she said that a bit too quick.. haha.

YES FIEND A BIG WALLET HELPS BUT WIFE OF MORT TELLS ME THAT WALLET IS ONLY SECAND ON THE LIST OF THINGS SHE CAIRS ABOWT BEING BIG. I THINK SHE MEENS I HAVE A BIG HEART.

AM ACCURATE DEPICTIAN OF THE LUVLY CUPL

AN ACCURATE DEPICTIAN OF THE LUVLY CUPL

IS YEW HAIRSTYLIST THE SISTAR OF BIEBERS HAIRSTYLIST?

Nah, I have no claim to fame like that. I just go into the barbers and ask to look like Justin Bieber because I’m such a huge fan.

ACTUALY I HAVE NO EYED DEER WTF HE REELY ASKS FOR AT THE BARBARS

ACTUALY I HAVE NO EYED DEER WTF HE REELY ASKS FOR AT THE BARBARS

WHO WILL YEW BE CHEERING AT THE WORLD CUP? ANY BETS?

No outright bets, I will mostly just be following Will Wilde’s picks on Twitter, not a soccer punter but happy to back all his selections blind.

ANY SUPARTIPS FOR FIENDS OF MORT?

Nothing that jumps into my head for this week, I couldn’t give you a horse until the morning before, IPL finished so no sixes bets either! I do think Rory McIlroy will win the US Open so we’ll go with that!

THANKS A LOT FIEND. VERY INSITEFILLD.

It was a pleasure MORT. ALL SUPPORT MORT.

AFTAR LONG AND DEEP ANAL YSIS I LURNT SOMETHING FROM THE FURST TWO INTARVIEWS. IF YEW DONT WANT YEW KID GETTING INTO GAMBLEING, DONT LET THEM HANG OWT WITH GRAMPA.
ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

WELCOME FIENDS TO THE FURST OF THE INTARVEW SEREES WITH MORT. FURST UP IS GOOD FREIND OF MORT AND ALL ROUND NICE GUY MARMITE IVERSON. MARMITE IS A WELL KNOWN SPORTS TRADAR AND APP DEVELOPAR (AT LEEST APP EYE DEER GUY). IF YEW LOVE SEEING GRAPHS OF MAINLY POINTLESS SHIT FOLOW HIM ON TWATTAR @MARKYIVERSON AND BE SHURE TO REED HIS BOLG WHERE RECENTLY HE TOLKS ABOWT THE DOWNSIDE OF WINNING OVAR 250K. TUFF LIFE FREIND.

HI FIEND. TELL US WHO YEW ARE AND WHY WE SHOOD GIVE A DAMN?

Well, I’m just a middle aged guy from a working class background in the South Wales Valleys. Nothing special there, but when I was young I had a condition with my hip that prevented me going to school for a couple of years. Instead, I stayed with my Gramps who liked a bet, and each day we’d trundle to the betting shop to spend the afternoon trying to pick winners. Trouble was, he wasn’t very good at it and more often than not he’d come out with less than when he went in. For me though it was an eye opener, and I loved the challenge of going through the horse’s form and getting to know the jockeys. Probably not a healthy start to life for a 4 year old, so when I started to scan the morning papers to analyse the days’ runners my parents started to realise things needed to change! But it was too late by then, I was hooked – subconsciously I’m sure I’d already made it my goal to make money from betting.

HOW DID YEW GET STARTED AS A SPORTS TRADAR?

On a summer holiday in 2005 I read a book by Iain Fletcher called ‘Game, Set & Matched’ where the author was subsidised £5,000 by Betfair and given the mission to explore the world of betting exchanges and turn a profit. It wasn’t an A-Z guide on how to become rich but it was an entertaining read that started to get the light bulbs in my head going off. I’d been a Betfair user since 2001 when my account had been transferred from their takeover of Flutter, but until then I’d just been a regular punter. It was then I began to see the potential in trading price movements instead.
I don’t know the reason why, but it took another holiday and another book, ‘Lay, Back & Think of Winning’ by Nigel Paul, for me to give myself a real kick into action. At that time I had hardly any money, worked a regular job and was living from pay check to pay check so I didn’t really have much to lose apart from my spare time. So I set off with £250 as a trading bank and hoped for the best.

TALK US THROO AN AVERAGE DAY IN YEWA LIFE ON A BUSY SPORTS DAY

A typical day for me will differ depending on the time of year, as the sports I trade tend to follow the seasons around the globe. The result is winter normally consists of waking up through the night at unearthly hours, whilst summer is kinder with most events taking place throughout the afternoons and evenings.
So May through to August is probably my favourite period, as after seeing my partner off to work and the kids off to school I’m able to get on with doing my own thing. Normally this involves updating databases and preparing for what I plan to trade but as I’ve tried to become as efficient as possible it’s not too much of a chore. I like stats, numbers and am fine with my own company, so it can often be a blessing in disguise!
If it’s a quiet day I can take the dog for a walk, maybe read a book or do something a little different, but as I’m a bit of a workaholic I tend to keep myself busy.

ERRYBODY HATES THE PREMIAM CHARGE. DO YEW HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO BETFAIR AND AN ALTURNATIVE TO OFFAR?

I can’t really add anything new, I can only regurgitate that I feel the charge is killing the exchange. I no longer sing Betfair’s praises to anyone willing to listen and this is a huge shame as their product is great. All punters love having the dream of making it big, and by capping potential rewards a lot less people will invest the time it takes to get there. Before they floated Betfair’s focus was very much customer-orientated and they instilled an ‘us against them (bookies)’ mentality in their clientele. With the launch of their Sportsbook they’re now losing their unique selling point and their identity is suffering, They’re in danger of becoming a jack of all trades and master of none.

WHY DOESNT BETDAQ STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND TAKE THOAS CUSTOMARS AWAY?

I can only guess that they’ve found it nigh on impossible to attract liquidity from new customers. I had a call from my Account Manager there this week and he basically admitted this. For the cricket markets to improve there they’ll have to attract money from the Indian betting market – as it stands Betfair have this sewn up

WHOT ARE YEW MOST PROFITABLE SPORTS?

Without a doubt it would have to be any form of one day cricket but especially the T20 format. This sport alone makes up around 85% of my returns.

MOST YEW HAVE EVAR WON AND LOST IN A DAY?

It didn’t take a day. All I needed was 3 hours to lose £5,191 on a T20 match between Sri Lanka and South Africa last August. I lost the plot.

http://markiverson.com/valuable-lesson/

HOW MUTCH IS THAT IN COWS?

Enough for a herd.

YEW DIDNT MENSHUN HOW MUTCH YEW WON. LOOKS LIKE TWATTAR WOS RIGHT. YEW NEVAR ACTUALY WIN.

SPEEKING OF TWATTAR. YEW GET A LOT OF STICK ON THERE. GOT TWO WORDS (OR MOAR) FOR THE HATERS?

Don’t follow.

I WOS HOPEING FOR MOAR EXPLEITVES THERE IF IM HONEST. FUK YEW, SUK IT OR CUNTBAGS (TEKNIKALLY IT IS TWO WORDS ROLLED INTO ONE) WOOD HAVE SUFFICED. I AM DISAPPOINT BUT WHY DO YEW THINK YEW GET SOME OF THE SHIT YEW DO?

Maybe it’s because I’m a little different? When I started trading on Betfair I presumed everyone else did the same thing, after all there isn’t a guide book to follow, but from speaking to a few others I’ve come to realise that’s not the case. I’m pretty sure this can then be unsettling for some, and a natural way to react is to be dismissive and critical. Gambling is an emotive subject and it’s understandable that people handle the ups and downs in different ways.

YEW ARE A RENOWND GRAPH LOVAR. WHAT IS YEWA FAVRIT KIND OF GRAPH?

I love graphs! My all-time favourite would have to be Steffi.

HOW MANY COWS WOOD I HAVE TO GIVE YEW SO THAT YEW DIDNT POAST ANOTHAR GRAPH EVAR AGAIN?
That’s a good question. Where I’m from we tend to think in sheep rather than cows. I’m not sure what the conversion rate is but it would need to be alot!

FUNNYGRAPH

GOOD BAAAAAAAAANTER FIEND. TELL US A LITTLE ABOWT YEW INPLAY KICKBOLL APP?

A couple of years ago I got frustrated that whilst watching a football match I couldn’t quickly assess each team’s chances. I’d begun to understand that the timing of when goals were scored had a direct impact on the rest of the match and when you combined that knowledge with the strength of the teams playing you could build a picture of how the rest of the game would pan out.

So with mobile apps becoming increasingly popular I set about creating one myself. A few months later ‘Soccer In Play’ was born and since then it’s racked up over 25,000 downloads.

All you basically have to do is set your perceived strength of the teams and add goal times when they happen. Within a few seconds it will scan the 40,000 match database for those with a similar profile. It’ll then produce graphs showing you answers to questions like who will go onto win and what the correct score will be based on those historic outcomes.

WILL IT BE USEFULL DURING THE WORLD CUP?

It’s best left alone for the World Cup as the data it uses is based on league matches not cup competitions. The dynamics between the two are significant. To give an example, teams can often settle for draws late on in league games, but if a team needs a win in order to progress in a tournament they’re likely to push for a win and be more attack minded which can lead to more goals.

ANY OTHER VENTURES YEW ARE WORKING ON?

Nothing in the pipeline, but I’m always on the lookout. Maybe one day I’ll create an app for cricket.

WHO WILL YEW BE CHEERING ON AT THE WORLD CUP?

As Wales are unlikely to qualify for a World Cup in my lifetime, I normally pick 3 teams at random to support at the start of the tournament. This year I’ll be cheering on Costa Rica, Italy & Uruguay.

ANY SUPARTIPS FOR FIENDS OF MORT?

Think ‘how can I make money from the market?’ rather than ‘who will win the match?’

THANK YEW SO MUTCH FREIND.

I AM NONE THE WISAR AS TO WHY HE MAKE SO MUTCH MONEY OR GET SO MUTCH HATE BUT WANT IT ON REKORD THAT I THINK HE IS ONE OF THE NICEST, SMARTAST AND DOWN TO EARTH GUYS I HAVE MET IN THIS BIZNISS. ALLSO HE USED TO LIVE ABOWT 10 MINUTES AWAY FROM ME SO I MAYBE BIASED. MORT ALLSO NEVAR MEETED SOMEBODY HE NOT LIKE. I WOOD ALLSO LIKE TO ADD I TRYED VERY HARD TO MAKE HIM BE FUNNYAR BUT HE LIKES HIS LACES STRAIT.

ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

 

CHELTNAM FESTIVITIES DAY 4 – EMBRACING RANDAMNESS

DAY 3 NOT SO SUCCESSFULL FOR MORT AND FREINDS BUT IF FOLLOWD CORRACT STEAKING PATTARN YEW SHOOD HAVE PROFITED GRATELY FROM FOLOWING MORT BOLG SO FAR.

NO MATTAR HOW HARD WE STUDY FREINDS THERE IS ALLWAYS GOING TO BE AN ELEMANT OF RANDAMNESS ASSOSIATED WITH ANY SPORT. I HAVE FOWND IT BEST TO EMBRACE RANDAMNESS AND ACTUALY USE IT TO YEW ADVANTAGE. THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT IS TO USE ONE OF MY FAVARITE ROLETTE NUMBAR PICKING SITES RANDAM.ORG

1.30 BIRTISH TIME – TRUMPET HURDLE

EVARYBODY KNOW NOW THAT SPORT IS RANDAM SO ALL DONKEYS 100% PORBABLY HAVE EQWAL CHANCE OF WINNING RACE. RANDAM.ORG SELECT NUMBAR 12. GOOD PICK.

NO. 12 PLINTH 16/1

2.05 BIRTISH TIME – VINNY O JONES HANDICAPP

NO. 24 TZORA 40/1

2.40 BIRTISH TIME

NO. 17 SAUSALITO SUNRISE 100/1

3.20 BIRITISH TIME – GOLD CUP

NO.14 TRIOLO D’ALENE 14/1

4.00 BIRTISH TIME – FOX PUNTARS

NO. 17 OSCAR DELTA 9/1

4.40 BIRTISH TIME

NO. 6 UNE ARTISTE 25/1

5.15 BIRTISH TIME

NO. 22 CHANGING THE GUARD 25/1

AFTAR LONG AND DEEP ANAL YSIS I FOWND OWT THAT EVEN RANDAMNESS LOVES A CHIN MCCOY.

REMEMBAR FREINDS DO NOT BET MOAR THAN ALLOWD TO LOOSE. PUT ALL MONEYS ON MORTS SUPARDONKEYTIPS.

ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

 

 

CHELTNAM FESTIVITIES DAY 3 – WISDEN OF THE CROWD

ANOTHAR PORFITABLE DAY FOR MORT AND FREINDS ON DAY 2. WE LOOK TO CONTINUE OUR WHINNING WAYS INTO DAY 3.

MANY OF MORT BOLG REEDARS WILL BE FAMILIAR WITH NATE SILVAR. NATE IS 100% PORBABLY MOST FAMAUS FOR PERDICTING THE CORRECT ELECTIAN REESULT IN 49 OWT OF 50 STATES IN 2008. HE DID IT BY COMBINEING THE DATA FROM ALL OF THE POLLS AROWND AS OPPOASD TO USEING JUST ONE. THIS MY FREINDS IS THE WISDEN OF THE CROWD. USEING THE OPINIAN OF MULTIPL EXPERTS INSTED OF ONE SINGLE SAUCE.

I WILL BE USEING THE WISDEN OF THE CROWD METHOD TO SELECT WINNARS FOR DAY 3 WITH JUST A COUPL OF EXEPTIANS. MORT WIFE WILL BE THE ONLY OPINIANS WE SEEK AND SHE IS 100% PORBABLY TOTAL BETTING NOOBIE.

1.30 BIRTISH TIME

“I CHOOSE OSCAR WISKY. I LIKE WISKY AND I HAVE SON COLLD OSCAR.”

EPIC INSITE HERE FREINDS. YEW WONT GET THIS AT ANY OTHAR TIPPING SITE. ALLSO FURST TIME I HURD ABOWT THIS SON COLLD OSCAR.

OSCAR WISKY 6/1

2.05 BIRTISH TIME

“WE GONNA GO WITH UNCLE JIMMY BECAUSE THE JOKEYS NAME IS CHEESE MAN. HAHAHA CHEESE MAN. BRILIANT.”

STARTING TO THINK I SHOODNT HAVE GIVE HER ANY WINE BEFOUR LETTING HER PICK.

UNCLE JIMMY 22/1

2.40 BIRTISH TIME – RYANAIR CRASH

“I GUESS I TAKE MEDERMIT. IT SAYS HE IS 10. IF HE DOESNT WIN NOW HE NEVAR WILL.”

FANTASTICK.

MEDERMIT 33/1

3.20 BIRTISH TIME – WORD HURDLE

“I TAKE QUEVEGAS. WHAT? IT ALLREADY WON. I A GEENIUS. OK. FINE. I GUESS I TAKE MEDINAS THEN. IT GOT 103 BY SIDE OF IT NAME WITCH I SUSPECT MEENS IT GIVE 103 PERCUNT. THE OTHARS ONLY GIVE LIKE 47 PERCUNT.”

MEDINAS 33/1

4.00 BIRTISH TIME

“I GOING WITH KING EDMUND. HE WOS MY FAVARITE KING. HIM AND HIS SIX WIVES.”

KING EDMUND 50/1

4.40 BIRTISH TIME

“I LIKE GAS LINE BOY HERE. HIS JERSEY REMIND ME OF A HOTDOG AND MUSTARD. WINNARS LOVE HOTDOGS AND MUSTARD.”

GAS LINE BOY 33/1

THERE YEW HAVE IT FREINDS. THE WISDEN OF THE CROWD SELECTIANS. REMEMBAR FREINDS DO NOT BET MOAR THAN ALLOWED TO LOOSE. PUT ALL MONEYS ON MORT SUPARDONKEYTIPS.

ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT

CHELTNAM FESTIVITIES DAY 2 – FOAM STUDY

DAY ONE SHOOD HAVE BEEN MAJARLY PORFITABLE FOR ALL BOLG FOLLOWARS. BUT ONLY IF YEW USE CORRACT STEAKING STRATAGY. MOAR OF THE SAME FOR DAY TWO PLEES I HEAR YEW PLEED. WELL FREINDS YEW ARE IN LUCK.

YESTARDAY WE USED TRENDSPOTTING WITH GREAT SUCKSESS. TODAY WE WILL LOOK AT RECANT FOAM AND BASE OUR PICKS ON THAT.

1.30 BIRTISH TIME – NOVICE HURDLE

AFTAR MUTCH RESEARTCH I FOWND ROYAL BOY IN THIS ONE HAD ‘OR’ COLUMN OF 149 OR 1+4+9 WITCH ADDED TO 14 WITCH IS HIS NUMBAR. THE ‘OR’ COLUMN IS USED TO GIVE YEW AN ALTERNATIVE HORSE TO BACK BUT THIS TIME IT TELL ME TO BACK NUMBAR 14 OR NUMBAR 14. DONT ARGUE WITH THE NUMBARS FREINDS.

ROYAL BOY 7/1

2.05 BIRTISH TIME – ARS CHASE

THIS ONE STOOD OWT AFTAR LONG AND DEEP ANAL YSIS. CARLINGFORD LOUGH LOOK LIKE IT GOT A ‘U’ LAST TIME OWT. ANY TIME A DONKEY IS GIVEN A ‘U’ IT MEEN IT RAN AN UMMACULATE RACE FREINDS. ONLY DONKEY IN RACE THAT RAN AN UMMACULATE RACE LAST TIME OWT. CARLINGFORD LOUGH. EASY PIK.

CARLINGFORD LOUGH 8/1

2.40 BIRTISH TIME – JOE CUNTS CUP

THIS WOS A PARTICULARLY DIFFACULT ONE FOR MORT TO FIGAR OWT. AGAIN IT TOOK HOURS OF LONG AND DEEP ANAL YSIS BEFOUR I SPOT THE OBVIAS SIGN. WHAT HAPPANS WHEN YEW PRESS F4 IN INTARNET ESPLORAR FREINDS? IT CLOAS THE WINDOW. INDEVAN’S FOAM FOR LAST TWO RACES REED F4. THIS MEEN HE IS GOING TO CLOAS THE WINDOW OF OPPARTUNITY ON HIS OPPONANTS TOMOROW. REELY OBVIAS WHEN YEW THINK ABOWT IT.

INDEVAN 25/1 @ YOUWIN

3.20 BIRTISH TIME – QUEEN MOTHAR CHAMPION CHASE (NICE OF HER TO SPONSAR A RACE FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE)

WHEN LOOKING AT FOAM IT ALLSO VERY IMPORTANT TO CONSIDAR HOW QWICK A DONKEY CAN RUN AT TOPSPEED. SIRE DE GRUGY HAS APPARANTLY HIT TOPSPEED OF 162 MPH. SUPAR QWICK FREINDS. I HAVE ONLY EVAR GONE THAT SPEED WHEN BEING DRIVEN BY DRUNKS. ANOTHAR ONE NOT TO OVARTHINK.

SIRE DE GRUGY 3/1

4.00 BIRTISH TIME

AGAIN AN EASY ONE. NO NEED FOR LONG AND DEEP ANAL YSIS HERE. LAST TIME OWT UNCLE JUNIAR CAME IN 0 POSITIAN. ANY MORAN KNOWS 0 BEETS 1.

UNCLE JUNIAR 18/1 @ AT SOME LOLCOMPANY I NEVAR EVAN HEARD OF

REMEMBAR FREINDS DO NOT BET MOAR THAN ALLOWED TO LOOSE. PUT ALL MONEYS ON MORTS SUPARDONKEYTIPS. ALL SUPPORT MORT. MORT